I am not making this up
I am not making this up:
Christmas Eve, a couple wandered into the church and asked: “Can we get some holy water to go?” Uh, what? Some people open presents on Christmas Eve. Some people gather for dinner and drinks. I have no idea what they planned to do Christmas Eve, but I have a bad feeling about it.
During my ordination to the diaconate, I helped distribute the wine at Communion. When I needed to refill the chalice, I took the cup to the server with the extra wine. He refilled my cup and then licked the mouth of the cruet every time I refilled the cup. I am not sure if that is high church or low church. I just call it gross.
I was asked to be a pet bereavement chaplain. I started to laugh, but it was not a joke. Needless to say, that person never called me about that position again.
I buried a man’s ashes in his chicken yard. Really! He wanted to be buried near his beloved chickens. Did I mention that the chickens were fighting cocks?
First Sunday in the new parish, I dumped a full cruet of wine all over the altar. At another parish, I managed to pour wine down the front of one of the acolytes. I believe that people are starting to wear raincoats around me and are putting sippy cup tops on the chalices.
As a chaplain, a woman flashed me and said: "I am a eucharistic minister and this is where I keep my eucharistic powers." Whoa! I am wondering about who received communion from her. Somehow her methods seemed a little unorthodox, but it did appear to raise the heart rates of several patients.
I quoted Britney Spears in a sermon. I will let you figure out the Scripture. From the Rite One crowd someone asked: "Who is Britney Spears?"
These are only the ones I can tell you. The rest, well, those I only share over drinks.
Christmas Eve, a couple wandered into the church and asked: “Can we get some holy water to go?” Uh, what? Some people open presents on Christmas Eve. Some people gather for dinner and drinks. I have no idea what they planned to do Christmas Eve, but I have a bad feeling about it.
During my ordination to the diaconate, I helped distribute the wine at Communion. When I needed to refill the chalice, I took the cup to the server with the extra wine. He refilled my cup and then licked the mouth of the cruet every time I refilled the cup. I am not sure if that is high church or low church. I just call it gross.
I was asked to be a pet bereavement chaplain. I started to laugh, but it was not a joke. Needless to say, that person never called me about that position again.
I buried a man’s ashes in his chicken yard. Really! He wanted to be buried near his beloved chickens. Did I mention that the chickens were fighting cocks?
First Sunday in the new parish, I dumped a full cruet of wine all over the altar. At another parish, I managed to pour wine down the front of one of the acolytes. I believe that people are starting to wear raincoats around me and are putting sippy cup tops on the chalices.
As a chaplain, a woman flashed me and said: "I am a eucharistic minister and this is where I keep my eucharistic powers." Whoa! I am wondering about who received communion from her. Somehow her methods seemed a little unorthodox, but it did appear to raise the heart rates of several patients.
I quoted Britney Spears in a sermon. I will let you figure out the Scripture. From the Rite One crowd someone asked: "Who is Britney Spears?"
These are only the ones I can tell you. The rest, well, those I only share over drinks.
Comments
If you can actually listen to the song, please tell me how that compliments either Burial Rite.
Onion pita bread.
And the communion hymn, which was starting? "Breathe on me, Breath of God."